So, for the past few days, I've had one of these shakes for breakfast and dinner and a healthy lunch, and I've lost 4 pounds.  Obviously this is mostly water weight (and the raging bout of diarrhea I had the first day due to all the fluids and fiber), but at this point, I'll take what I can get.  My intention with this whole thing is to get over my emotional dependence on food and learn to eat like a normal person.  It sucks less and less every day, so hopefully I can keep it up until I drop a chunk of my chunk. It's the holiday season, but this not working thing is paying off since I'm not constantly surrounded by goodies.  Although, my desire to eat junk has been significantly decreased due to the fact that I'm drinking something very similar to milkshakes twice a day.  I'm a sweets girl, but that is becoming less and less of a problem, as my cravings are more than satiated.  They're more like saturated now.  My secret desire is that once I'm off the shakes, I won't even be able to look at ice cream, much less down an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's Red Velvet Cake ice cream in one sitting...not that I've ever done that before...ok, maybe once or twice.  Anyway, I'm tired of my weight being an issue, when I have so many other things to worry about.  It's just not worth it.

I have officially divorced Diet Dr. Pepper.  I didn't mean to do it, but I fell in love with another- sweet tea.  It started when Wesley made a pitcher for the kids, and I downed the entire thing, real sugar and all.  Then, I started making my own with stevia, the one artificial sweetener that is not supposed to be bad for you, and realized I loved the tea just as much.  I finished off my DDP stash, and have been drinking nothing but stevia-sweetened tea and water (that's right!) for a week now...and I feel much better.  I'm hydrated, for one, and I'm not starving all the time.  It seems the studies are true for me- the aspartame makes me crave sweets and fried stuff.  My diet has been much improved over the last week, and I've even lost a few pounds.  

I have also discovered Nature's Way Metabolic Reset.  It's a protein powder that you can mix with water or milk (I use milk based on everyone's reviews that say mixing it with water is gross).  I've been drinking a shake in the morning for breakfast and sometimes drink one as a snack, and I usually mix frozen berries in the breakfast one.  I have all 3 flavors because I didn't want to get burned out on just one, and I can report that all are tasty.  They're just a little gritty, but that doesn't bother me, because I've tried every shake and protein bar known to man, and they've all been putrid.  I finally figured out it was the soy protein that smelled weird and tasted like butt.  This stuff has whey protein, and 21 grams of it per serving.  It also has fiber, vitamins, and all that good stuff.  Anyway, I thought I would post about it, in case anyone is looking for a good meal substitute for weight loss.

My mother pointed out that started this healthy eating thing at the holidays is moronic- I mean, she was nicer about it, but still, I caught her drift.  I'm not working, and I'm finished with school until January, so my thought was I'm totally isolated from society for now, and I'm going to take advantage of it.  I will, of course, enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there's no reason to eat like that every day, especially since I'm not surrounded by the temptation.

"But what about exercise," you say.  Well, shove it.  One thing at a time.  I just came off of soda, and you're already riding my ass about other stuff.  It will come in time, I swear, but for now I'm happy at overcoming the one hurdle...probably the biggest hurdle.

Monday was my 33rd birthday- not a milestone one, but depressing, nonetheless.  I decided to treat myself to something I've been contemplating for a long, long, long time- a keratin treatment.  For those that don't know, it's a hair treatment that cuts down on frizz and reduces your curl.  It does not eliminate it, which many people mistakenly think it does.  My stylist told me "it's not a miracle worker," so basically, my hair is too kinky and thick to come out board straight when all is said and done.  This is fine with me, since I like a little wave.  I just have more than I can handle.  I have enough hair to cover myself and 2 other people, so when you add curl to that thickness, I look like the lead singer from a 80's metal band in the summer.  She put the treatment on Wednesday morning, and I'm not allowed to wash my hair until tomorrow (Saturday) morning.  Most people are skeeved by that, but my hair is so naturally dry, it's not even begun to get oily, and it's been 2 days.  I'm anxious to see what it will look like once I do wash it, but for now, I'm enjoying my temporarily straight coif.  We're also having family pictures done tomorrow, so my hair will finally not be an issue.  Unfortunately, my fat ass still is.

Also, good news on the "my life lacks direction" front.  I got a letter stating that I qualify for the Nuclear Medicine Tech program at school.  It's only a year, so if all goes well, I'll begin in the fall and finish the following summer, which is the same time I would have graduated from the Nursing program.  The income potential is the same, if not better, so hopefully I'll get in with no problems.

Here are some before and after keratin pics, because if you're like me, that's all you care about anyway.

My hair in its natural state a few months ago- still damp.

After keratin put in and blow dried.  This is why I NEVER blow dry my hair.  And forget a diffuser.  That doesn't work, either.

My hair after the treatment was flat ironed in. Gorgeous, right?

I took this one when I got home.

So far, I love it, but I will have to update once I've washed it.

ETA...

I washed it yesterday (Sunday), which was the 4th day.  I'm happy for once that my hair is dry enough to allow me to go that long, since it looked great for the family pictures we had taken on Saturday.  I didn't get a chance to take pics yesterday, so I took some this morning.  Keep in mind that yesterday, I let it air dry naturally with leave in conditioner, and that's it.  I also slept on it last night.  My face is not in these, since I don't have makeup on, yet, and like a proper Southern woman, I will not be seen without my face on.

I know it looks stringy and whatnot, but the difference is staggering.  It will be so much easier to work with this as a base than the frizzy, curly mess I was dealing with before.  I would highly recommend a keratin treatment, provided that the person getting it understands that it can help control frizz and curl, but it will not erase them altogether.  Also, I had this done in the cool, low humidity fall season.  I'm not sure how different my results would have been if I'd had it done in the summer, since my hair is much better behaved now than it is then.

After much thought and deliberation, I decided to quit Nursing school.  My doubts and insecurities began to surface with the CNA program over the summer and culminated with my job as a Nurse Tech.  I can't even say what it was, exactly, that pushed me over the edge, but I am totally relieved with my decision.  It wasn't about working with patients- I loved that part.  It certainly wasn't my grades, since they were good, and a lot of the info seemed to come to me naturally.  It wasn't even the down and dirty work- cleaning poop and vomit, bathing patients, changing beds, etc. didn't bother me a bit.  It was when the realization of the responsibility set it.  As a Nurse, you really are responsible for someone's life.  Of course I knew this going into it, but I never considered what would happen if I made an error that killed someone.  Could I live with that?  Turns out the answer is no.  When I started my job as a Tech, they showed us a video at orientation of 3 people- a Pharmacist, an Anesthesiologist, and a Nurse.  Each one of them had made a medication error, and 3 patients died as a result.  This hit home with me, because I'm not confident enough to believe that I'm above making an error like this.  Sometimes I'm not the most detail-oriented person.  Sometimes I inadvertantly throw bills away, put milk in the cabinet, or lock my keys in the car. I'm forgetful, clumsy, and misplace things. I know there are several things in place to prevent med errors these days, but there are just so many things that can go wrong.  I think too much, and Nursing really is a gut instinct sort of field.  You have to be able to react in an emergency, and while I'd like to think I would step up to the plate, I don't want to risk someone's life finding out if I can rise to the challenge, or if I'd crumble in a heap in the corner.  It took a lot of thought to finally reach this decision, especially since I left a 10 year career to pursue this and have been working non-stop since last August to achieve it.  But, all is not lost.  The classes I took prior to this semester will transfer to a different major, since I'm intent on staying in either allied health or public health.

 I have not regretted my decision for a moment, especially since the only concern I have is regarding income potential- not an appropriate reason for entering the Nursing field anyway.  I do have a family, so I have to come up with something.  I don't want to go back to HR/Finance; however, I did put some applications out a few weeks ago, when my concerns were building.  I still want to work with patients or the public either in a testing or education capacity, so I have applied to Radiology and END programs.  I have also reapplied to the Masters in Public Health program to which I was accepted early last year, hoping I'll get in again.  I chose Nursing School instead, so hindsight truly is 20/20.  I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, although I'm sure his patience is wearing thin at this point.  In a roundabout way, he's told me that I need to make a decision and stick with it.  In the very near future, we will be paying for a new car, a bigger house, and  3 college educations- none of which we can afford unless I get on the stick and do something with my life.  I guess this is my version of a midlife crisis (something else he so lovingly pointed out to me).  I have a birthday coming up very soon, which is another reminder that I'm not getting any younger.

To everyone in Nursing school now, just breathe!  Don't overthink it.  Depend on your classmates for support, because you're all in it together.  Most of all, know that you can do it.  My confidence, or lack thereof, is what broke me.  Hopefully for me, though, this was just the stepping stone for something better.

It's taken me a few days to write this, for a few reasons.  First, I'm so very disappointed in myself.  Second, I didn't know where to start.  I feel like a failure, but I guess I'm more of a quitter, since I didn't give myself the chance to fail.  No, I'm not quitting Nursing school (not yet, at least), but I did have to quit my job.  I made it through 3 days of orientation and 3 days in the unit before deciding I couldn't hack it.  It's not that I didn't like it...I loved it, in fact.  I was a Nurse Tech in Oncology.  My patients and their families were amazing!  I did post mortem care on my second day, and I didn't freak out.  I changed briefs, gave baths, and cleaned vomit and actually enjoyed all of it.  But, I stressed about it every second of every day I wasn't there.  I was so scared of the day that was fast approaching in which I would be on my own handling 15 patients...alone...by myself.  Also, I barely saw my kids in September.  I felt totally removed from my family and didn't know what was going on with them.  It was like I was divorced and living away, which was a horrible feeling but a good one to have, because it made me appreciate them that much more.  I also had an upcoming Nursing exam that I was sure to bomb if I kept working 12 hour shifts.  My thought was that I can't be a Nurse if I fail Nursing school, so at this point, school is more important than working.  The kicker is that I got my CNA the Saturday before I quit, so I have a certification that's being wasted right now, since there's no way in hell I'm applying for a Nurse Tech job anytime in the near future.

The thing that really scares me is that this whole thing has made me gun shy about Nursing school.  I'm sure you're thinking, "Jesus, bitch.  You're 23 and 120 months.  Get your shit together."  Well, that's what I'm thinking.  I'm too old not to know what I want to be when I grow up.  I am doing well in school, and all of this comes as second nature to me, so I don't know what the hell my problem is.  It's terrified me so much that I've started applying for Pharmacy Tech positions.  Worse than that, I've applied for HR positions- the profession I hated and swore I wouldn't go back to.  All I can think now is that I need a cushy state job with less than 40 hours a week, guaranteed weekends and holidays off, and a workload that can be completed by 10 am.  I actually had all that several years ago and threw it away for a pay bump, which ended up being the worst working experience of my life.  I don't regret leaving, though.  Everything happens for a reason.  I know I'm just scared right now, so I'm going to muscle through and hope I feel more confident by the end of the semester.  We finished labs last week, so we have orientation at the nursing home tomorrow.  Then, next Wednesday, we're on our own with our patients.  I can already feel the vomit backing up in my esophagus.  I will keep working toward my RN, but I can't say I would turn down one of those HR positions if one was to actually materialize.

I just finished my second week of Nursing school.  I was too exhausted to even report on the first one, so what does that tell ya?  In fact, I'm still tired, so I apologize in advance for typos.  Currently my schedule consists of Clinical from 7am to 5 pm on Wednesdays and Lecture from 8:30am to 11:30am on Thursday.  That doesn't sound too bad, but add to that my Pharmacology class in which I have at least 2 quizzes due each week, the multiple quizzes in 101 that are due each Monday, the videos, the readings, the kids' activities and homework, and Wesley's Grad School work, I'm already pulling my hair out.  I have no idea how I'm going to fit in my new job, even if it is only part-time.  And, we can't even discuss the house.  We've been living out of laundry baskets for the past week, and our bathroom is in need of some serious TLC.

So far, this is already the most demanding thing I have ever done in my life, I mean except for the whole kid thing. The good thing is the material is fascinating to me.  This is the first time I can remember that I actually paid attention in lecture and read entire chapters from the book.   Nursing also takes a lot of common sense, and life experience is so helpful.  I don't understand how kids straight out of high school survive this program, because I never would have made it.  They're so strict on attendance, and they require so much work for just one class, but if you step back and look at it, you realize they're doing this for your benefit and to make you successful, not just in the program, but in your career.  

So, for those of you who are budding nursing students but not yet in clinicals, here's what I've learned so far...

1. Confidence!

If you don't have it, get some.  I mention this first because I've noticed that my lack of self-confidence has already been holding me back.  I have missed some questions on quizzes because I chose the correct answer, second guessed myself, and then changed it to what I thought they were looking for.  Don't read into things. Don't think you know it.  Know you know it.  Confidence is also required in lab and clinical, because you hit the ground running. They expect you to come into lab prepared to do your skills, and the residents in the Nursing home won't feel secure in your care if you're constantly second guessing yourself.

2. Prepare, don't procrastinate.

The first week of lab was mostly orientation- going over assignments, expectations, etc., so I thought they were easing us in.  I was dead wrong.  This week, we came in, and our instructor announced we would basically be cramming everything I learned in 2 months in the CNA program into the MORNING (not even the whole day!)  And, she would only be showing us how to do Assessments, since we hadn't discussed those in lecture, yet.  So, to recap, we were expected to do bed baths, changing and occupied bed, all vitals (temp, bp, pulse, pulse O2), bed pan, perineal care, applying a compression stocking, feeding, and mouth care all on our own with no instruction.  Now, I knew we were doing all of these things, but I thought they would demonstrate them for us, and I had already been through CNA this summer, so I thought I could skim the book and forego the videos.  I was wrong.  I partnered up with a really understanding girl who suggested I perform the skills on her first.  I went blank almost immediately (see #1) and had to switch places with her until I got in the groove.  Once I was there, I was ok, but I learned a lesson.  I am the Queen of procrastination.  I always have been.  It was never a problem when I was younger with no kids, no husband, no house, etc.  I could always find time at the last minute to get done whatever needed to be done.  But, now I'm older, slower, and busier.  I have to use every ounce of my time wisely.  I spent the first week doing my typical thing and quickly fell behind.  I played catch up, which was way more stressful than it needed to be, and I've decided it's much easier to stay on top of things...or even get ahead (Gasp!)

3. Utilize a planner.

Most people have calendars and planners on their phones, but I'm an old fashioned gal.  I prefer pen and paper.  It's easier for me to remember things when I write them down, and for me, it's easier to flip through the pages to quickly see what I have coming up instead of scrolling through my tempermental phone.  Once I saw the insanity that was going to be my fall schedule, I ran out to Big Lots and plunked down 2$ for a simple day planner.  It was the best $2 I've ever spent.  I have had so much going on the past 2 weeks with school and the new job, but I haven't missed a thing.  I even got a little ahead this week, which is allowing me to take a mini break with the fam in the mountains for Labor Day without stressing too much.

4. Have a support network.

God bless Wesley, because for the past 2 weeks, I have been a big ol' bag of crazy, and every time I turn around, he's taking the kids somewhere so I can study, doing laundry, cleaning, coooking dinner, etc.  Ok, so he does a lot of those things anyway, but lately he's been even better about recognizing when I'm on the verge of a meltdown, and doing whatever it takes to fix it.  The lesson in this, kids, is that you need to get your education first before you have a family, because it's a whole different ballgame when little ones are involved.  They couldn't care less if I was an astronaut, the President, or a janitor.  The bottom line is I'm their mommy, so I'd better be prepared to dole out love and affection when they require it.  It's such a blessing to have a partner who so willingly takes some of this burden off my shoulders, and maybe even lessens the guilt just a smidge.

I have amazing friends. 2 are also married with 1 kid each and are going through this experience with me.  It's wonderful to have met 2 people so similar in personality, beliefs, and life experience.  We're all psycho obsessive, so we get to bombard one another with crazy thoughts, concerns, and worries, so our husbands get a tiny reprieve from our insanity.  Kim and Shalawn, Wesley thanks you.  And, for that matter, I do, too, for I would not have made it through the past year without you.  I just wish we were in 101 together.  I'm also thankful for my friends not in school with me.  I had breakfast with my friend Renee the other day, and I got to tell her all of the awesome positive stuff that's going on instead of dwelling on the negative stressful things that she would have only know to ask about if she were in the program with me.  

I also have a secret weapon that most people may not.  I have a mother who now comes 2 days a week to watch my kids since I'm in class during the day, but she's also a great sounding board for my fears and concerns.  She majored in Psychology 8,000 years ago as an Undergrad, so she fancies herself as sort of a novice shrink, but I have to admit, she's pretty good.  She continues to kiss my proverbial boo boos and make me feel like everything will be ok.

The last support network is a MUST, and you don't even have to search for them.  It's the gals (and guys) in Clinical with you.  The lecture group is pretty big, but they break you down into smaller groups of 8 for Lab and Clinical.  These people are the ones in the trenches with you.  You will get more personal with them than you do with your own doctor.  For example, several people listened for my apical pulse on Wednesday.  This is the pulse coming from the apex of your heart, which is heard right near the bottom of your bra, for you girls.  If you're a well endowed girl, like myself, listening for this is almost impossible and forces whoever is trying to listen to push your boob in any direction they can to hear it.  Luckily I've had 3 kids, so I lost my pride long ago.  I have a fantastic group to work with, so I got lucky, since we'll be study buddies for the next 2 years.

5. Take Care of Yourself

How do you expect to take care of someone else, if you're too weak, tired, or stressed to take care of yourself?  You need to be at your best to care for others, so put the damn book down, draw a bath, and play in the bubbles.  Or, read a trashy gossip magazine. Or go see a ridiculous movie.  The point is, you need down time.  Your brain will thank you, and you will probably focus better afterward.  You also need to eat right, drink a ton of water, sleep well, and exercise, which will also help you focus and destress.  I am going to start walking/jogging again, because I've determined that I need a physical outlet for my stress, or I'm going to implode.  It's not even about weight loss at this point (and I have already gained weight from the stress).  I just feel so crappy when I eat poorly, guzzle soda, and am sedentary, which makes learning that much harder.  If I lose weight, great.  If not, oh well.  I cannot add anything else to my plate right now, so weight loss is honestly the last thing on my mind.

I'm sure there are tons of other tips and lessons I'll have as I go through this program, but at this point, these seem the most important.  I'm going to try to take my own advice, so hopefully I can climb down off the rafters soon.

So, I changed the site.  I did it for 2 reasons.  My fitness quest...well, it's at a stall to say the least.  I've been updating monthly just to say "hey, guys, I fell off the wagon again, and I'm still fat. Yada yada yada."  What's the point?  The other reason is that this summer, my life changed drastically almost overnight, it seemed.  I was originally supposed to begin Nursing clinicals in January, 2012.  This meant that I could take the summer off from school, take Microbiology in the fall, and just enjoy the kids.  Well, a friend suggested doing the Certified Nursing Assistant Program at a community college that's about an hour from here because I had the summer off anyway, and the first part of the program was online.  So, I did the online part and then spent 6 Saturdays waking up at 5am, arriving there by 7, and doing labs and clinicals until 3.  It wasn't the most ideal way to spend my summer, especially considering the migraines I got EVERY Saturday from waking up so early, but it was worth it.  I felt like it better prepared me for Nursing 101, and I thought that I would possibly be able to get a Nurse Tech position later this year or early next year to bring in some extra cash and get some experience.  I started applying soon after clinicals started, assuming I wouldn't get a call for months.  I was shocked when one of the hospitals, who has a tremendous reputation by the way, called me almost immediately.  It turns out the 10 years I spent in my previous career weren't pointless.  The fact that I switched from doing that to trying to get an entry level position taking care of people is what prompted the recruiter to call me.  He was in my corner from the start and had me interview for any possible position I could until I finally found a good fit in Oncology.  Oncology and Pediatrics are the 2 areas I was considering once I become an RN, so I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to get my feet wet in the department before I finish school.  I start in 2 weeks and am incredibly excited and scared.  In addition to the new job, my clinical start date was bumped up to this Fall.  I just started last week, and I love it so far; however, it is an incredibly demanding course load.  I had to run out and get a planner, so I can keep everyone's schedule straight as well as remember all my assigments.  Anyway, with all the insanity, I thought the site would serve my purposes better as a sort of journal for stress relief than a constant reminder of how I'm not meeting goals and how disappointed in myself I am.  Ick.  Who wants to deal with that?!  So, you can look forward to posts about school and my new job as well as my (hopefully) incredibly shrinking booty.

 My willpower and drive have exited the building.  It's so pathetic that I signed Wesley and myself up for a race that I never even told him about.  It came and went, and I never said a peep about it.  It helped me so much to have a fitness goal before, but unfortunately this summer has reacquainted me with an old foe- depression.  I've been in and out of one since about the beginning of summer.  Unfortunately this battle leaves me exhausted, unmotivated, and defeated.  Not to mention the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad food cravings and indulgences.  This is something I've dealt with since college, and before then, it was anxiety.  Now, it's a tennis match between the 2.  When anxiety is winning, it's terrific.  I get things done.  I'm motivated, excited, and productive.  Unfortunately it takes a toll on my sleep schedule and digestive system, but at least I don't feel like a total waste of life.  When depression rears its ugly head, I retreat from the world.  I long to stay in bed all day since I'm physically and emotionally drained, but this is impossible with 3 kids under age 10, so I try to gear myself up to do something active with them.  Unfortunately I've been in somewhat of a daze for the past few weeks, so they've watched a ton of tv and played oodles of video games.  We've made it to the pool several times, I made a backyard water park, and we went to the zoo.  We're also going to the beach next week, so it's been a fun summer, to be sure.  I just wish I had enjoyed it more.  It felt rushed and stressed.  This is partially due to the fact that I was taking a Nursing Assistant course, and the last 8 Saturdays were spent in lab and at a nursing home.  I'm looking forward to the beach, because I seem to relax and recharge there.  Then, the kids start school the Monday after we get back.  This gives me a solid week to get them going in their routine before I start clinicals (queue Psycho theme) the following week.  I've found some supplements that seem to be helping since prescribed anti-depressants tend to make me more depressed than I was before.  I'm hoping these will get me kickstarted for the upcoming semester.  I just bought about 18 books for 101, and that's not an exaggeration.  I've got to find something that will pump me up for all that reading.  Where are all the club kids with Adderall when you need them?

I'm also trying to get a Nurse Tech job, which I'll probably have more luck with once I'm certified.  I've been talking to an HR rep from one hospital already.  I'm hoping getting out of the house will help me reclaim my identity and purpose that has been fading over the last year.  I feel like I'm finally moving forward in my new career, so I want a healthy body and mind to go with this positive change.  One thing I learned in my CNA clinicals is that being a Fatty McChunkypants is a hindrance when having to lift and turn patients your size and larger.  Luckily I've kept off most of the weight I lost, but I have so much further to go.  I'll be cleaning and packing for the beach the next couple of days, and then on Saturday, I'm putting my CNA skills to good use at the SC Mission event that's providing free healthcare to those that need it.  We leave for the beach on Sunday, so I'm hoping going to get back on track when we return.  I'm also going to pack my sneakers in case I feel extra motivated while I'm down there.  I hope to return with a fire in my belly, because the last thing I want to be is a hypocrite working in the healthcare industry, lecturing people on how to better care for themselves, when I can't bring myself to do the same.

 No, I am note referring to the Biggest Loser Meal Plan.  I am referring to what is now day 4 of migraines, nausea, and vertigo.  I've tried everything- Excedrin Migraine, Claritin D, etc., and I can't get it to go away.  When I think I'm better, the migraine comes roaring back, or I get nauseous when I look at food, or dizzy when I stand up.  I have barely eaten in 3 days, and I've lost at least 3 pounds.  I don't know what the problem is.  If I had snot pouring from every orifice, I would assume that it's a sinus infection.  If I didn't have the most magnificent man-made invention that is my IUD, I would assume I'm pregnant.  Since neither of these seems plausible, I have resigned myself to believing it's a brain tumor.  I'm one of those glass half empty kind of gals, in case you didn't know.  I'm just hoping it sticks around long enough for me to drop some significant weight.  Hmm...this may be a monkey's paw situation, but I'll take my chances.

As far as the BLMP goes, let me sum it up by saying I tried 3 meals and a snack, and it was all revolting. First of all, I've never had salty oatmeal. And it looked like it was topped with Vienna sausages. The turkey patty tasted like dog food, and the carmelized onions had a flavor I can't even describe.  The only items that weren't completely terrible were the applesauce and the sweet potato, and that's because they were in their true form- no added spices or weird glazes.  I am actually going to have to throw these meals away because you are supposed to eat them within 10 days of receiving them and with my illness I can't choke down real food, much less this mess.  They are also stinking up my fridge, which is grossing out the fam.

I'm going to start rating stuff on a Diet Dr. Pepper scale, since I equate that stuff with liquid gold.  In the case of the BLMP, I'd have to rate it a Diet Mountain Dew- as in I wouldn't touch this shit with a 10 foot pole.  Below are some pics for your reference.  And tell me those little sausages don't look like someone's dismembered fingers.  I'm not totally convinced they're not.

 The acronym looks suspiciously like "blimp".  I wonder if that was a conscious decision.  Anyway...I got my delivery today.  I'd like to start by saying my instincts were right on, and I'm glad I canceled before the 2nd week was scheduled.

First, let's start with the packaging.  I'm pretty sure whoever packed the meals had a personal vendetta against me.  It's like they knew I had already canceled when they packed it, so they didn't care how it arrived.  The styrofoam container is nice, because I can reuse it as a cooler.  I can't imagine getting one of those every week, though.  What would you do with them?  When I opened it, on top were meal storage instructions and the weekly menu.  These were supposed to be in a protective covering but were not, so they were sopping wet.  You're supposed to use the menu as a guide all week, but I had to throw mine away.  I put the papers aside and began examining the meals.  Some of them were upside down and on their side, so the contents of those are all mixed up, which makes life difficult for a person like me who eats one thing at a time.  While digging through the meals, I got clear goop all over me from 2 gel packs that had popped.  One had oozed all over the snacks box.  This could have also been an act of revenge by my UPS man, seeing as though he had to lug this heavy container to my doorstep in a million degree weather.  I will say the meals arrived at the appropriate temperature, and the snacks inside the goopy box were dry.

Now, for the food.  I think one of the meals must have been slightly open, because the cooler smelled like...the closest thing I can think of is you know when you take out the garbage, and your trash can has that faint left over smell?  Like that.  They don't look appetizing either, but I guess neither do the frozen dinners I usually get.

I'm going to start eating them tomorrow, so I'll take pics of each one as I eat it.  I don't have high hopes, but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

*ETA I forgot to post the pics...