Desperate Measures
It's a safe bet to assume when I haven't posted in a while (the Bill Murray post didn't count, obv.) that I've fallen off the wagon, and I'm too ashamed to admit it. I eventually come crawling back with some new and improved idea, and this time is no different. My downfall was our trip to Asheville, which I knew it could be. I even took steps to make sure the house was stocked with healthy food when we returned, but I made special efforts to eat horribly. I've decided that I need to remove food from the equation. I thought seriously about a liquid diet or the cookie diet or some other insanity where you don't even have real food. Then I came to my senses and realized that even if it did work, the weight would come piling back on the second I touched a real piece of food. Also, I did Slimfast years ago, and I remember it tasted like a subpar milkshake but was a lot less filling. I seriously think that diet lasted about 2 hours. Maybe their product has improved in the last 10 years, but it's not worth it to me to find out. Then, I thought about Nutrisystem, which I've also tried in the past. I remember thinking the food wasn't that bad at first, but then the after taste started to get to me. They have to put something in it to keep it shelf ready, so whatever preservative they use gives the food a hint of butt flavor, and since it's shelf ready, all of it is off-color and brownish. I also remember the muffins they give you for breakfast may as well be called "colon blow" because I spent every morning in the poo potty at work, which was totally unacceptable. It wouldn't be as much of an issue now, since I'm home, but I don't fancy raging diarrhea as a weight loss alternative. After researching the past few days, I settled on The Biggest Loser Meal Plan delivery service. I went with them because it's done by the same people that do Bistro MD, but it's cheaper. The meals are frozen, so no weird shelf preservative taste. All of my meals are planned out, so there's no room for my deviation. (For some reason my thing to add a link isn't working, so Google them if you're interested.) I'm supposed to get my first week's worth next Wednesday, so you can look forward to snarky reviews of the food. I am also going to join a gym, I think. I know I need to exercise, and it would serve as a break from my lovely but demanding children. (As I type, the youngest is screaming because her blanket and stuffed unicorn are across the room, and she wants someone else to get them. My 5yo is screaming at her to stop screaming. Why would I ever want to leave this paradise?) I am, of course, doing that typical fat girl countdown to a diet in which I eat everything in sight and guzzle soda, but that ends today. The main reason is that I feel terrible- exhasted, stomach cramps, foggy brain. It's a combo of dehydration and malnutrition and the effects, and I'm not even enjoying it like I used to, so what's the point?